5 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissistic Boss

What if your boss has narcissistic personal disorder? From a probability standpoint, it might seem unlikely—after all, the clinical diagnosis affects just one percent of the world population—yet new research from the University of Washington suggests otherwise. It found that “narcissism is a prominent trait among business executives,” one that hinders productivity by stymying cooperation and the flow of knowledge within an organization.

In other words, if a boss doesn’t meet the diagnostic criteria for the disorder, they could still have some prominent narcissistic tendencies that affect your work and interactions. Knowing how to cope interpersonally can therefore be an important job skill. What follow are some tips for how to do that, starting with what to know about “narcissistic personality disorder.”

What to Know About the Signs, Symptoms, and Degrees of Severity

As with other mental health conditions, symptoms of “narcissistic personality disorder” can occur on a spectrum. Your boss might not be plotting the next Jonestown Massacre, but they may crave the spotlight, need excessive admiration, and make unrealistically high demands of you in your job. Similarly, your boss might not be creating a whole new reality called the “metaverse,” but they may talk in grandiose terms about their plans for the company and have seemingly boundless dreams and ambitions. 

Some of the other telltale signs and symptoms to be mindful of: 

• It’s all about your boss – Your boss rarely, if ever, takes an interest in what’s going on in your life and shows little interest or empathy.
• Hypersensitivity to criticism – An exaggerated sense of self might seem to inoculate a person with narcissistic tendencies from this symptom, but it’s the extension of an over-inflated ego that’s always searching for evidence of its own brilliance (in the form of praise from others). 
• A charming side – People with narcissistic traits or tendencies can be very charming and loveable at first, as an article in the Harvard Business Review, “Why We Love Narcissists,” suggests. They often excel at first impressions. 
• “Interpersonally exploitative behaviors” – This is language from the DSM-5, the official textbook for diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder, and can refer to situations where a boss takes advantage of you for their own ends. This behavior can run the gamut from subtle manipulations to emotional abuse and other more serious violations of your boundaries.

More Interpersonal Tips for Dealing with Narcissism

Here are some more tips for how to deal interpersonally with a boss who exhibits signs of narcissism:

• Remember it’s not about you. The temptation can be to assume you’re the problem. That can lead to negative self-talk, self-esteem issues, and even mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, when in fact the issues are not of your making. 

• Compliment your boss frequently. This might seem strange at first, and for those who abhor “kissing up,” it may feel extremely uncomfortable. Find a way to give it a try and do it discreetly with sincerity. Then see how it goes. Often, flattery will go a long way in massaging an over-inflated ego.
• Take care of yourself. Self-care is always important, but especially so in a situation where your boss may be more inclined to take advantage of you. Eat well. Get plenty of exercise. Spend time with supportive friends. Therapy can be a very helpful form of self-care and a great outlet in which to process what’s going on at work and how to address it.
• Document behaviors and develop a strategy. If your boss’ behaviors have become so exploitative that they may implicate you in illegal activity— (a case in point: Elizabeth Holmes and her fraudulent business scheme)—start to document these actions and be prepared to report them. This may also involve seeking help from an outside expert such as an employment lawyer or labor law expert.

No employment situation is worth the sacrifice of your sanity or integrity. These tips may ease the adjustment to a boss with narcissistic tendencies or help you determine when that’s not possible and if it’s time to move on.